| So...I'm getting divorced.
I never thought I'd be 28 and divorced but I guess there's a lot of life you can't plan for at all.
There's no real bad guy in this situation, though I guess John would disagree with me since I'm the one who initiated this whole thing. Which, honestly, doesn't make me any less sad about the dissolution of our marriage. We've been married for almost 5 years, in a relationship for about 7 years and been friends for almost 12 years. A huge chunk of my life is with him and I have no idea how to move on to the next part of my life.
That being said - I know I can't be married anymore. Not just to him though...I don't think I couldn't be married to anyone at this point. I got married way too young and I'm just so unhappy with the whole state of marriage.
But it breaks my heart to be breaking his heart. | comments: 13 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | "If You're Gone" - Matchbox Twenty | | Current Location: | bed | | Subject: | Is wondering... | | Time: | 01:24 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/angry.gif) annoyed |
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| | ...why do I always want popcorn (or something equally junk food-y) between 1am-2am when I should be SLEEPING, but I'm not because ME WANT POPCORN. God, that is so obnoxious. Meh. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| ...and I've been hooking as many people on the show as I possible can!
So my BFF/co-worker, K, is completely addicted to Supernatural and is wrapping up Season 2 this week (and has since gotten one of her best friends addicted as well (she finished Season 1 in just a couple of weeks!). K is totally in love with Dean and with Jared (yeah, I know - isn't that adorable??) and I have been slowing introducing her to fanfic in general and J-Squared RPS in particular. She's already read one of my all-time favorite SPN RPS fics - Sugar, We're Going Down by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) keepaofthecheez - but I didn't keep tabs on all of my favorites and I've been gone for a while so I don't know where to find the most recent and awesome fic.
Do any of you guys have any recommendations?? Please let me know of any/all of your SPN or SPN RPS favorites!!
I'm reading everything I can - but I know you guys have fabulous taste!
Thanks so much - I really want K to be as hooked on the amazing fic as I have been so far. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| My apologies for all the ranting last time. **shudders** And my poor husband didn't deserve such a strongly worded rant - but he'll never read it, so at least it was a good outlet for me.
I guess every one has a breaking point.
So, we watched "I Am Legend" today - and I'm not going to be a spoiler, but it was not at all the movie I thought I was getting myself into and I kinda wished someone HAD spoiled me. Kinda sorta. Definitely an intense movie. Good, but intense.
EDIT: And Will Smith was SMOKING HOT and I think, personally, in the best shape ever! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I've posted on LJ. But I'm really, really glad to be back. :D
So...I was having a discussion with situationgirl the other night about getting older and how, for some people, that means letting go of drinking or smoking or doing drugs. People aren't always anti- those things, but they just chose to stay away. Or they get to a place where that's not part of their experience of having fun.
Basically, we were discussing being grown up and some of the things that entails.
This was my response:
I'm still struggling with not trying to escape anymore. I often hate being a grown up. I hate having a somewhat crappy job that stresses me out but that I need in order to live not on the street and with food. I hate not buying fun stuff because there are too many bills to pay. And I really, really hate that being a grown up has made me so bitter and whiny. So, yeah. *poof* I'm better now.
It's not all bad. There are good things about being an adult. I've been in a fairly healthy, happy (exclusive) relationship for over 4 years. Go me!
I think, in some ways, I've become more uptight as I've gotten older. So sometimes I feel like I need something...like a drink or a smoke or a drug...to let go and just have a good time. I used to just..let go. Remember pretending to be uproariously drunk in Moore Hall? Falling up the stairs? hehe. I don't have that kind of fun that often anymore. I miss that. Even when I have a drink or whatever I just chill. It's not some crazy fun time. I wish there were more crazy fun times in my life currently. But, often, cray fun gets me into crazy trouble. So...yeah.
Does that makes sense?
I don't know if anyone else gets that or is on the same page or has been on the same page - but I just wanted to put it out there...see if anyone else has something to say, too. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| I know, after the last post, I said I'd be around more but...
About 2 days later we rushed my Gram (who's also my best friend and one of the most awesome women living on the planet Earth) to the hospital. She had pneumonia and she almost died. But she didn't die. She's doing SO much better and we were all excited and she was supposed to go home tomorrow....
But we just found out today that she has lung cancer. CANCER. I am, of course, losing my shit a bit. A lot. But there's still so much the doctors don't know yet. I'm not crying right this second though, and that's something. But we don't know if she's coming home. We don't know if it's spread anywhere else. We don't know dick.
But yeah. That's where I've been. Plus, I'm getting shit at work (I've left work in tears no fewer than 3 times in the past week). Plus, John's sick. Plus my brother-in-law just got called up from the Army Reserves and is leaving in a couple of weeks. And my mom's about to move, because her new place sucks. And we're about to move in less than 2 months. Plus there has been a lot of Noah and the Ark type weather around here which has been shitty.
I'm exhausted. But I'm...trying to stay hopeful.
Yeah. June sucks. | | comments: 15 comments or Leave a comment |
| Wow. It's been awhile. *sigh*
But I've been sick and work has been crazy. I'm actually having a minor (very minor, the non-cutting you open (mostly) kind) surgical procedure done tomorrow. Something is possibly very wrong with my bladder...which has been not-fun. So they're gonna go in and check things out via a cystoscopy. I've had one before. Twice. And I have a really rough time with them.
( One TMI symptom detail (the non-gross kind): )
Anyway, any procedure where it's insanely painful and they put me to sleep equals surgery to me.
Since I've been going to like 2 or 3 doctor's appointments a week I have had to stay late a lot at work to make up my hours. And that doesn't leave me a lot of time for much of anything these days. But God am I glad I finally have health insurance.
I still LOVE my job and things are still going really well overall. I got my first "talking to" today from my boss. Which sucked, but she was really nice about it all. And very reassuring and just awesome. Basically I'm too direct and I have to learn to soft-glove it more with our clinicians. Plus, apparently the atmosphere at our company is very "old-school". As in, when you're the new kid, you're not supposed to participate in Meetings with Superiors. Don't speak unless you're spoken to, etc. Which is definitely rough for me because I like being in on the process and participating. But I can definitely learn to keep my trap shut. It's not the end of the world. And I have to learn to not show up others (which was never my intention, but that is apparently the occasional by-product of being on top of my shit). And even after ending up in tears (I really hate being misconstrued and it's upsetting to me that I might accidentally hurt someone else's feelings, especially when they are a super-nice person) I still love my job. Which is both surprising and pretty damn cool.
So...I did find out how my sister's dad died: ( Details )
But yeah...life is just chugging along at a breakneck speed and I wish I had more free time. I miss LJ. I miss my Flist. A LOT! I can't even go back enough entries to catch up my Flist anymore. It stops at 300. And God...300 is a lot all by it's damn self. But hopefully (post-surgery, post-diagnosis, post-working late or 10 hour work days) I'll be able to at least get back to keeping up and commenting a bit around LJ.
And OH MY GOD I'm dying to talk about VM but I can't. Not like I want to...Because I would have to make another whole post. Because I wouldn't want to spoil anyone who isn't current. But. Yeah. GOD!( Ok...not really spoilery...more just vague commenting on the state of affairs )
So that's everything. Mostly. I miss you guys. Take care. Catch y'all post-recovery. | | comments: 15 comments or Leave a comment |
| Thank you so much.
All of your words of love, support and compassion have been so encouraging to me.
This has been a really rough week, but you are all helping to make things better for me. I'm so lucky to have you as my friends! I love you all. And, again, thanks. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| My sister's dad (he was my first stepdad) died last night. I don't know what happened. My mom and my sister have been in tears all day long. I want to cry, but I can't. I've known him since I was 3. I have about the same number of memories of him as I do of my own dad when I was really little. I just...I can't believe he's gone. He wasn't even 50. There just aren't even words for how awful this is for my family, for my sister in particular....for her kids who won't grow up knowing their grandfather. He wasn't a perfect man. In fact, he was incredibly flawed. But he had worked really hard to turn his life around and mend all those bridges he burned when I was growing up. I just don't even know how to begin saying goodbye without completely falling to pieces.
And now I'm crying. Quietly, so as not to wake up John. It feels like I might never stop. | | comments: 20 comments or Leave a comment |
| Happy Belated Birthday Vera!!
I'm so sorry this is so late, but I love you tons and I hope you had a wonderful birthday! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Ok, so I've been hiding out from LJ for over a week because I didn't get to see last week's episode of VM until tonite. Which was a really, really, really, really long wait.
And my plan is to post about both last week's and tonite's episodes very soon.
But can I just say that the fanfic is just starting to write itself about right now!?!?!!
And that is all. You guys know me, and you totally know what I am referring to. :D | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I was inspired by sadiekate and sunny_vera to find out how Evil I truly am...
| You Are 68% Evil | 
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
So...I'm DEFINITELY more Evil than sunny_vera, but only slightly less Evil than sadiekate. hehehe. That's right y'all. Fear ME! :D | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| I can't sleep. I have a huge day tomorrow and it's going to be a LONG day and I just can't sleep.
One of my cousins died Saturday. She had cancer. Everywhere. We weren't that close (she's my Grandma's sister's daughter), but I am close with her daughter Stephanie.
I haven't called Stephanie yet. Because I have no clue what to say. I never know what to say. I have absolutely no concept of death or any way of dealing with it. I mean...I cry, but it doesn't change anything. Mostly I just shut down emotionally. I'm not upset for me this time...I'm sad for Stephanie and for my Grandmother (who, at age 93, has watched more people die than I've ever even known).
How can I be simultaneously detached and upset over a death?
I'm having a minor surgical procedure (an Upper Endoscopy) on Wednesday. I have had it done before, it's not that bad. I don't react well to anesthesia lately though, so I guess I'm nervous about that.
My Uncle Jr. (who's more of a dad to me than his brother, my biological father) is going in for a biopsy on Friday. He might have color cancer. I'm trying not to think about that. Not to focus on that. I can't DO anything about it either way. Except cry. And that doesn't really do any good.
Tomorrow I start a new job. It's just temporary. But I'll be working 2 jobs, and basically, working full-time. I haven't worked full-time since, um, 1999 due to health problems and other issues. I'm definitely anxious about that. I want to do a great job. I want to impress my bosses. I want to grow as a person, professionally.
I really, really wish I could get to sleep. To top it all off, I ran out of birth control and I've lost my prescription so I can't get more without going in for another GYN appointment and I have absolutely no time to do that anytime soon. *sigh*
I'm so ready for this day to be over. For this month to be over. | | comments: 13 comments or Leave a comment |
| i have no internet.
i haven't had internet since Wed. night.
i won't have internet again until prolly Sun. night.
i'm sooooo sorry about that peeps. DAMN INTERNET GOING OUT.
gotta run. Love you all. be in touch soon. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | If there is someone on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met, in real life or not without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I loved tonight's episode of VM. LOVED IT! Totally and completely. WOOHOO. Yeah, I'm a tad excited.
However, since I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn, so that John can drop me off at work over an HOUR before I start work, so that he can take the car into the shop (because it just wouldn't start multiple times today and that damn check engine light was coming on), I need to go to bed. Like...10 minutes ago. Plus I'm both exhausted AND sore from work and running around.
But I had to post because I'm going to bed happy post-VM for the first time in a long time. Yay! I'm glad there's something awesome to be excited about. :D | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| "That's ok, that's their opinion. Fuck 'em. I don't care anymore"
That was the tagline at the end of tonite's American Idol and, for whatever reason, IT CRACKED MY SHIT UP! I'm still giggling. hehe.
I've been sorta quiet since my TV shows came back from their winter hiatus...but overall I'm pretty happy they're back...even when they piss me off. But happy first...
Spoilers (um, yeah, mostly, sorta) ahead...
( VM - Donut Run )
( Smallville's 100th )
American Idol. God... it's awesome. Except when I feel like it's exploiting people who truly need help. Otherwise it's a rowdy ride of denial and self-centered blindness. And sometimes super, super talented people make me get chills up and down my arms. And other times...I just can't stop cringing at the lack of talent. Why don't people's friends tell them the truth?? Why lie? Why encourage??? They will only end up on AI, looking the fool. It's just mean in my book....but OH SO MUCH fun to watch. :D
Bones. I love this show. I love seeing DB not looking: a)old, b)tired, c)broody, d)chunky. Um, all of the above. I think he has good, fun chemistry with his costar. I think he's having fun for the first time in a long time. It's awesome! Plus he looks really nice in sunlight. :D Oh, and the cases are interesting. :D
Supernatural. God, I love Jensen and Dean (heh. That does get confusing sometimes) playing brothers. They're both so charming and totally, totally hot! The show is total fluff (and to me, not scary at all) but it's fun. Great fun! And I highly recommend it. It's one of my favorite guilty pleasures.
The not so happy...
( Smallville's 100th episode )
( Lost's last episode )
And, last but not least, ( Tonite's episode of Gilmore Girls )
And that, my lovely Flist, is what I'm thinking these days about one of my dearest loves...TV. Do you guys love TV as much as me? Or do I stand alone as a TV!Whore? hehe.
ETA: I just watched an episode of The Daily Show where Jon Stewart referred to a past AI contestant as the "guy who looked like he was about to put his balls on top of the camera". hehehehehehehe. So smarmy that guy was. hehe. It's just so true and SO funny to me. hehe. I love Jon Stewart. | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| So there's been all this negativity enveloping my favorite fandom lately. Which really, really sucks. Because all the people I've met have been totally awesome and I've met some of my favorite people through the VM fandom.
I honestly think (and hope) that it's not some horrid virus spreading through the community. I hope that it's just a few people who were sadly emboldened, by the ability to comment anonymously, to become total asses. Which is really lame.
Here's a chance to show that you're not an ass. And that you LOVE VM. And how. The very cool bspalek has created a meme all about The Positive.
It's the most fun I've had all evening! :D
Well...I tried to go read the other meme. After hearing everything that the lovely and hilarious queen_haq had to say about it, I got curious. I settled down to laugh and enjoy the crazy. (And, probably, be outraged at the pettiness.) But after the first page (where there was only HAQ to keep me chuckling) there's just nothing. The meme broke LJ. Or at least that LJ. Oh well. My time is better spent elsewhere. :D | | comments: 14 comments or Leave a comment |
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creative